I have a suggestion to save all of our financially strapped airlines. I suggest that they all raise the price of soft drinks and water to $10 each, the price of movies to $25, the price of food to $50 per tray, the price of having a ticket agent wait on them to $100 and the price of their first piece of luggage to $200 (which by the way only encourages people to carry gargantuan bags onto the planes and try to cram them all into the overhead bins; pretty smart, huh?)  They could also put coin slots on the display monitors to check for departures and arrivals, say $1.00 each viewing.  And maybe another fee to use one of the chairs at the terminal gate, say $5.00 per hour?  Then, once they have jacked up the prices of all the incidentals, the ticket itself could actually be given to the customer free of charge!!!  Seems like an idea that might appeal to the airline marketing wizards, doesn’t it???  Feel free to pass these suggestions along to all the folks who are so rapidly ruining what little positive image they have left.

I can hardly wait for all of the airlines to begin asking the government to bail them out because business has dropped off so much, never realizing that they actually ruined their own companies by “nickel and diming” their customers to death.

Now seriously, how did it not occur to the airlines to simply raise the price of each ticket $50 or $100 bucks, with an explanation that the increase was for additional fuel charges (which we all could have easily understood and related to), leaving soft drinks, water, baggage and movies free???  Of course, that wouldn’t have contributed to the airlines lousy image, which they seem so skillful at creating.

If you’d rather read the CNN version of the story, here IT is.

Personally, we like any story that begins with “A flight attendant appeared in court Monday to answer charges she was drinking alcohol on the job and told a captain “You’re dead” as she was removed from the plane.” (CNN.com)

Yea, yea, yea…we’re all human…Isolated incident…not representative of the industry….

Might your Aircomplane.com Spite Crew recommend her sentence?

Sit on a plane with no food, water, and 20 of your colleagues for 10 hours. And let’s keep it real: They won’t tell you why you’re there, how long you’re going to be there, and that the only plane that DID take off just delivered your luggage and bottle of Jack Daniels to Salt Lake City.

The pisser is that in six months after rehab she’ll have a talk show.

In the posting, which you can read here later, your Spite Attendant Crew offered four significant reasons why working with a legitimate travel agent could improve your chances for a better travel experience.

And then, the most amazing thing happened. Someone posted a comment to our blog post basically plugging a Multi-Level Marketing company that, from what we can tell, is about as far from what experienced, certified, and proven travel agents do. Now, as several of you can attest, I often pull truly important comments and correspondence from within Aircomplane.com and give them top billing. After all, you are what make us relevant. So, I am going to do the same thing here while fulfilling our mission of protecting you, the traveler, further.

On July 25, 2007, Mr. Terry Zulit of “The Terry Zulit Financial Freedom Blog” posted the following comment:

“I found a way to write-off all my travel, and get my travel agent status. I then can write-off all my travel costs. I made a long post that explains it all here:
http://www.zulit.com/2007/07/24/pro-travel-network-review-to-end-all-pro-travel-network-reviews/ You might be interested in using the idea. Don’t worry about signup with me, but seriously…it works saving a ton on travel per year.

Terry”

Interesting.

First, know how fascinated we are that someone had the balls (if not the brains) to piggyback on our blog with a plug for a Multi-Level Marketing endeavor EXACTLY COUNTER to the points of Aircomplane.com’s editors. Normally we would applaud such chutzpah. This is, after all (and unless you’re on an airplane), a free country. But your Aircomplane.com Spite Attendants decided it was necessary to do a little digging into this dubious ticket to “Financial Freedom” and see what surfaced.

• Terry Zulit is proudly part of a Multi-Level Marketing (travel) company called Pro Travel Network. He must have placed some thought into his business decision because his own blog states, as of this posting, “The Internet income I make still far out weighs the Pro Travel Network income. Pro Travel Network (or PTN) is just another strong income stream for me. I’ve been a marketer for 4 years now, and I’ve looked at EVERY MLM opportunity there is on this planet. (no shit).”

• A little further digging about the Pro Travel Network revealed the following:

o  The stock for Pro Travel Network (PTVL) is at about its all-time low. As of this post, it’s trading at about $0.31 from a high of $1.75. It dropped over 40% TODAY. (This chart, courtesy of Businessweek.com basically says that a $10,000 initial investment now leaves you with less than $4,000.

o Here is some Securities and Exchange Commission filing information. Don’t stop until you read “Risk Factors.”

Well, we usually like to make three points about something, but that’s really not necessary. A travel agent named “Jay” with 17 years in the travel agency business did comment on Mr. Zulit’s comment, and you can see that here. Perhaps Jay said it best with “What are your travel credentials? Do you have any certifications, destination specialties, advanced degrees, or have you even taken a travel course of any kind? Your “fad” will last only as far as you piss off your friends with poor service and higher prices. As you continue your jaunt through our sensitive yet resilient industry, lose the title of “Travel Agent.” You are a fraud and only an agent for yourself.”

We don’t know about the fraud thing, but we’re kind of happy we don’t own any Pro Travel Network stock. And we’d like to thank Mr. Zulit for bringing the Pro Travel Network to our attention. It always helps to match a name with a craze.

Be forewarned (and to the likely glee of the many Fright Attendants out there) they also take a pretty good and hilarious shot at their fellow passengers. Enjoy.

best of craigslist > san diego > RANT: Airline Travel Etiquette
Originally Posted: Wed, 28 Feb 08:31 PST

RANT: Airline Travel Etiquette

Date: 2007-02-28, 8:31AM PST

Alright people, some airline travel etiquette needs to be established. Here are a few suggestions that will make everyone’s life easier, so please… pay attention:

Rule #1 – Security. Yes, it’s a bitch. Yes, the TSA employees they hired from the nearest clinic for the terminally stupid are an insult to anybody with a hint of gray matter, but com’on. Throw the rest of us a bone here:

You’ve been standing in line for 45 minutes. After 45 minutes you finally get to the table with the little gray bins. Now is NOT the time to hold up everyone else in line while you take off your six earrings, your 20 bracelets, your necklace, your watch and anything else you KNOW DAMN WELL will set off the alarm. The time to do this was sometime during the previous 45 minutes when you were standing in line complaining about how slowly the line was moving. Take all that stuff off and throw it in your carry-on BEFORE you get to the table.

For those of you with laptops, yes you need to take it out of the bag. The 8 signs you past while standing in the aforementioned line weren’t kidding. Have it out, put it in the bin and move along.

Rule #2 – Potty breaks. With certain exceptions, potty breaks are denied within the first hour of flight. It’s your own damn fault you decided to wait in line for 15 minutes at the terminal Starbucks for your daily non-fat chi extra-tall cup-of-crap instead of taking care of business (and by therefore compounding the problem). If you’re that bad at time management, or set your priorities such that you can’t take 2 minutes out of your busy day to take a leak, then it’s your own damn fault and you can just hold it. Exceptions would include: (1) you’re in an aisle seat, (2) children, or (3) you have a baby with a poopy diaper – and yes I can smell it. Yes EVERYONE within 10 rows can smell it. Feel free to do what you got to do but PLEASE don’t ignore it.

Ladies, if you’re pregnant, insist on an aisle seat. The airlines will accommodate if you push them hard enough. Old people, if you have a weak bladder, the same goes for you.

Rule #3 – Bitch. If I’m unfortunate enough to ride bitch (aka, the middle seat) then I automatically get both armrests. It’s called making the best of a bad situation. I don’t care how much you spent on your ticket – and if you had that much money you would be up there in 1st class with the rest of the I’m-so-important-I-need-a-curtain-to-shelter-me-from-those-coach-people crowd.

Rule #4 – Assumptions. When airborne, you need to make some assumptions. For those of you seated behind me, you need to assume that I am sound asleep in my chair trying to get a little sleep before my big presentation in a few hours. This means that you are NOT to use my chair to pull yourself up out of your seat, shaking it violently as you struggle for balance. I realize there isn’t a lot of room, but the solution is simple… use your armrests, slightly turn your body, and use YOUR chair for balance. If works for me, it can work for you.

For those of you seated in front of me, you need to assume I’m feverishly working on my laptop for that big presentation and EASE your seat back, nice and slowly, allowing me to make adjustments as necessary. This means NOT reclining your seat with such fury as to crack the lid of my laptop because it caught on the tray-table latch (I’d especially like to thank the lady seated in 19B on United Flight 920 on February 21st from San Diego to Dulles for that one). I don’t care if you want to recline your seat, just GO SLOWLY.

Rule #5 – Do Not Disturb. If I’m wearing headphones, listening to my iPod, it’s code for “please leave me alone and don’t try to engage in conversation.” I don’t care how excited you are to be visiting your 19-year-old niece who lives in Santee. I don’t care how pretty she is and that she’s pregnant with her third child from as many fathers.

If it looks like I’m sleeping, I probably am. It might be hard to tell as I often wear sunglasses when I try to sleep on a plane, but think about this – if I haven’t moved in awhile, I’m asleep. So please, use common sense if you choose to rouse me from my slumber (ie, something catastrophic happening like a wing falling off). The flight attendant serving drinks DOES NOT qualify.

Rule #6 – Parents, control your kids. I’ve traveled all over the US as a kid and I know how incredibly boring even a short flight can be. However, a cramped airliner is NOT the place for tough-love. If your kid is throwing a tantrum, GIVE THEM WHATEVER THEY WANT – PERIOD. If your child is kicking my chair I WILL say something – and not to the child, but to YOU. The other day I ran into a local 7-11 and they had portable DVD players on sale for $60. Seems to me like a pretty inexpensive insurance policy – otherwise I suggest adding a triple shot of Children’s NyQuil to their grape juice, also available at 7-11.

Rule #7 – You finally made to your destination. Congratulations! Don’t stop. That is to say, you just walked off the jetway and are now in the terminal – KEEP MOVING. Every single airport I’ve been to in this country has signs posted everywhere, so if you aren’t quite sure where you need to go, simply walk strait ahead to the far wall and figure it out from there. Stopping at the jetway door or in the immediate vicinity creates a hellacious roadblock that the second half of the plane has to navigate around. Some of us actually have the ability to walk and read at the same time – no problem if you’re not one of them, just please don’t slow those of us down who can.

This last part isn’t really about travel etiquette so much as it is about the Airport Nazis that patrol the pick-up and drop-off area at San Diego Lindbergh. I’ve been meaning to write something… suppose this is as good a time as any.

You guys are the biggest bunch of fucking assholes I have ever had to deal with in my entire life. When I go the airport and you guys are giving me shit, I say, “see kids, that man is why you need to study hard in school and get good grades – you don’t want to end up like him, right?” I can understand ticketing someone who parked out front and walked away – fuck tow it or even set it ablaze for all I care, but what you douche-bags do is downright harassment. News flash – me driving slowly, waiting for my passenger – WHO I CAN SEE AND IS WALKING OUT OF THE TERMINAL, is not the same as being as being parked or stopped. Here’s an idea, if my vehicle isn’t moving, why don’t you go stand in front of it while you write me that ticket? Yeah – that’s what I thought.

With that said, minus the KSAN Airport Nazis, I hope you found this beneficial. Please refer back to it as often as necessary.

Thank you and have a nice day.
Location:
San Diego

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Thanks a lot !!
Paolo Tron

NIGHTMARE TRIP WITH BRITISH AIRWAYS

Before going on with my “travel story” a couple of simple considerations:

1) I am perfectly aware that as no human being in this planet can be sympathetic to every other human beings, too an overseas flight can be very pleasant or very unpleasant…

2) what happened to my son and me is very common, tragically common, but considering how facts happened, I am really keen of sparing this with you:

British Airways Flight # BA0279 London Los Angeles June 28^th 2007.

With my son, Massimiliano, we arrive in L.A.X. at 1.30 pm – one hour wait for our luggages – when no more luggages go around in the tapis roulant a B.A. guy arrived and told us: “luggages did not get here but on the external B.A. office…you need to go out and ask at the desk”.

About 20 people follow his advise, step outside that area and, with another 20 people, start the line at this B.A. office/desk, with only two employees taking care of over 40 people involved with the problem – after another two hours wait they gave us:

a) a sheet with printed a code and a 1-800 number to contact B.A. and the website to check with the future situation …of the luggages….

b) in that very moment we understand the luggages did not made it through…

c) they assure us the luggages will be consigned within 48 hours…

d) they gave us a VISA Debit Card for the amount of 150.00$ (4008 3800 1504 9620) in order to buy the very first necessary items (underwear, toothpaste etc)

We are out of LAX at 5.20 pm…

We soon find a first shop and the mentioned card is declined….oh well ….surprise surprise….with the second we spend 78.00$ and it’s ok…from that point onwards the

Card is dead….always declined…

Of course I check every day the situation of the luggages in the B.A. website with the code they gave me….no news….never ever …..

I try to call the 1-800 number, expressly indicated to us ….it’s an automatic number…

with in the end “press 3” to talk to an agent…..NO WAY !! Never !!

NEVER EVER …..one day I have been waiting 68 mins….uselessly….and that was

during B.A. office opening hours….

In our luggages, besides the usual stuff, antibiotics that my son had to take for an epidermic infection under his left armpit …(he is 17) and he got very nervous when he understood he could not continue his cure – I could not find similar antibiotics around there… none with the same charachteristics….

Apart from that, in the luggages, 800 flyers, expressly realized for the San Diego Fitness Convention I had to attend…..

At the B.A. desk, fortunately (considering the complete lack of contacts) I gave a Hotel address near San Diego where they could, eventually, deliver the four luggages. This happened the 9^th day of our stay in California.

I rushed to this Hotel in Solana Beach to get my luggages.

They were all totally wet – most probably they were left in London under heave rain.

Nothing inside was usable. Not clothes. Not the antibiotics.

Not the flyers…all destined to the garbish and the clothes to a laundry….

The day of our return arrives.

When approaching the B.A. Check-In desk in LA, I ask, nervously, some informations regarding all I went through… my vehemence was not appreciated.

I did not like that, either…..

My frustration was really to the limit.

A couple of B.A. guys made an effort to listen to me and said:

“ohu….you were very lucky…only 8 eight days, some other travellers got their luggages after three weeks….oh oh ah ah uh uh“….

Not nice to see someone laughing at you after all that….what do you think?

These persons at the B.A. check-in desk were unkind (not me), they never apologized to me, none of them tried to give me some information regarding a possible refund, they probably all forgot THEY made the mistakes and that I was the customer … it seemed I was asking for an ice-cream in the Sahara…

In the end, the manager of the check-in B.A. area, very upset for my frustrated attitude, handed me a card and said: “write to the Customers Service in London”….point !!

I must confess I was waiting for another behaviour from B.A….

In the end, I am a bit ashamed to share with you this “common” story….but I needed to write this, for future travellers who need to be a lot more careful than me and need to insure their luggages…..above all if they fly with B.A. …

Apart from that, I would like to know if there is a specialized lawyer among you, who could help me out for some refund….and some excuses….

In case please contact me to: info@tronpaolo.it

I thank you so much for your kind attention and I apologize for my poor English and for robbing some of your precious time for such un-interesting things.”

Paolo Tron – Milano

…would be really deligthed….if you could publish this one….Many thanks !!

Show your support for Aircomplane.com, and look really slick doing it!

When we launched Aircomplane.com, we had no idea how helpful and successful the site would become. From the beginning, we wanted it to be more than a bitch site, and it is. There is valuable information on how to reach, deal with, and effectively complain to the airlines, and we are proud to be a part of it.

As with any such movement endeavor, the more people that know about Aircomplane.com, the better. To that end, we have arranged for a line of Aircomplane.com clothing and other items that support what we are trying to do. Your Aircomplane.com mug, T-Shirt, Teddy Bear, or throw pillow (we’re not kidding) tells the airlines and others that we intend to be heard. And each item is branded accordingly: Aircomplane.com – The herd being heard.

We invite you to visit our online store and be the first on your block or in your cubicle to own Official Aircomplane.com swag.

Thanks again for your support! Keep reading and writing.

http://store.aircomplane.com (There is no www.)

Aircomplane.com Official Polo Shirt – Tasteful yet bitchy.

Aircomplane.com Boxer Shorts – Hot!

Aircomplane.com Bumper/Luggage Sticker and Aircomplane.com Black Cap – Cool!

The Internet is an interesting corporate litmus test. Its applications for commerce are endless — and so seemingly are short-sighted executions.

Somewhere along the line, many of the airlines thought it would be a good idea to offer flights click-click-click like buying books at Amazon. Wow…talk about moving away from service at warp speed.

Well, the Roaming Gnome and promises of cyber-solutions notwithstanding, don’t overlook the power of the travel agent. If you find one with some buying power and balls, you may have some recourse at the concourse. Remember, you’re often dealing with a Destination Dominatrix, er, gate attendant, so stack the deck in your favor. Some guidelines to consider:

1. Select a REAL travel agent. Membership in the American Society of Travel Agents (ASTA) should be a minimum qualification. Avoid the amateurs who hang a shingle in their club basement so THEY get travel discounts. (If you hear a dog or a parakeet in the background or they ask to place you on hold while they take a call about their blowing league schedule, hang up.)
2. Take some time and read some travel agency websites. See what they’re about and how they offer to help if things get sticky. The 10 minutes you spend doing that may prevent two weeks in a Turkish prison. (OK, you’ll also need a lawyer, but a travel agent can help, too.) Everyone gets bumped, overbooked at a hotel, or misses a connection. Think about who you want on the other end of the phone when you need help.
3. If you do use a website to book your travel, select one that is in some way affiliated with a travel agent. Keep it HUMAN. We’re reminded about the pretty brilliant income tax preparation commercials now on the airwaves about the beaten-down husband facing his wife’s wrath over using software to do their taxes. The audit letter comes. The wife says “Oh, that’s right. We don’t have people. We used a box. Why don’t we ask the box?” Have people. Consider a humanless travel-booking website the box.
4. And if you’re in business and have control over such things, don’t leave booking your company’s travel to Ruthie the Intern, a Google search, and a company credit card. Your people are on the road (and in the air, eventually) to make your company money. THINK about that BEFORE they leave the ground. A corporate travel agency may cost you a few bucks in fees, but losing Rodger-your-lead-closer in La Guardia for a few days will cost you more.

So here’s the bottom line: You have to travel. You will face many if not all of the problems Aircomplane.com was founded to highlight and help you solve. You will encounter confrontations with the airlines. It is you against them. (OK, Aircomplane.com and you against them). Have a travel agent on your side. A truly experienced and qualified agent will speak fluent arrogance and idiocy – two of the languages necessary to communicate with the airlines on your behalf.

Here’s what your Spite Attendants think it may boil down to:

In any business, whether offering goods or services, there is a sense of accountability by those having regular contact with the customers/clients/consumers. Those enjoying this contact realize that in order to benefit from return business, they must demonstrate some modicum of service and support to those spending money with them. Sure, many of them don’t want to do it, but most of them understand the longer-term and direct benefits. (In most businesses, this ranges from “piss off a customer and get fired” to “we need customers to pay us to pay you.”)

As with most things that make sense, this doesn’t work as reliably with the airlines. The reasons?

Consider these:

1. The airline industry fosters a climate where the value and purpose of money is not real. Fares and fees are whimsical and weird. They follow no monetary, value-based, actual worth, or structured guidelines, so they don’t matter. (“Adam Smith…paging Mr. Adam Smith. You’re needed at EVERY AIRLINE HEADQUARTERS IN THE WORLD.”) To that daily exposure to such monetary nonsense add the financial predicament of the airlines themselves. How many billions of dollars in debt? How much in employee concessions? What is the value of that merger, and what does it mean to me? Nonsense. This confusion breeds apathy (i.e. “I’ll never understand all of this, so I won’t bother trying to understand any of it.”) and acceptance. (i.e. “OK, well they seem to still be allowed to fuel up, and the peanuts are here on time, so despite being in a zillion dollars in debt, they must know what they are doing.) Naturally this translates to an inability to recognize that the person you are supposed to be serving is actually THE ONE PAYING YOU! They may not be, so piss off!
2. Belligerent and impossible airline employees are given what your Spite Attendants like to call the “Latitude to Abuse,” because it’s cheaper than giving them more money. For example, “No Millie, you can’t have a raise (again), but tell you what – treat the passengers any way you like and we promise a ‘supervisor’ will never show up to contradict you. And, if the passenger crosses the line, we’ll throw them off of your flight.” And who said airlines weren’t one of the top places to work?
3. Finally, they are subject to the lack of control control paradigm. This also applies to many retail clerks and checkout personnel and almost everyone at your local Department of Motor Vehicles. It works like this: An employee is so oppressed within their own working environment (and possibly their home environment), that they only have one little area of their life that they completely control…and you find yourself having to wade into the middle of it. We’ve all seen it, and the wisest among us play along and allow it in limited enforcement. “Take your food OUT OF THE BASKET and place it on the conveyor.” and “DON’T YOU HAVE ANYTHING SMALLER?!” are two classic examples that it’s happening to you. Anyway, it is understandable to be reluctant acquiescing when air travel is involved and you and your ass are the one on the conveyor. Resentment is common. Outrage is not inappropriate. You’re messing with their space simply by being in it. Ironically, you’ve paid to be in it. Gotcha!

So where does all of this insight get us? We have no idea. We’re simply offering insight that may help. If better understanding those with whom we interact can help us to interact better, then we should try. It’s kind of like Nancy Pelosi and the Syrians but not really. Anyway, you have to try.

We realized that as with many relevant blogs, however, we may ultimately not have control over the tone it would take. We’re pleased with the direction it has taken and grateful for your input and support.

We have been monitoring the air travel situation closely, and there is a great deal being discussed about a “Passengers’ Bill of Rights.” We will be discussing that in detail here shortly and bringing you up to speed on where it’s going (or not). In the meantime, we have identified some helpful website resources for you.

Airsafe.com is a helpful site with a section dedicated to “How to Complain About Your Airline Service.” See it here. Some other areas they cover that should make for an easier and more event-free trip are:
Top 10 Baggage Tips
Things you Should Not Bring on Board
Cabin Safety Tips
Power Tips for Using the Internet

A special thanks to contributor Matt for suggesting Gethuman.com. We encourage you to spend some time on this site. It really brings to light some of the basic customer service issues to which we, AS THE ONES SPENDING THE MONEY WITH THEM, are entitled. Make sure you visit the Gethuman.com Core Principles and www.gethuman.com/us. The former should be sent en mass to every airline executive you can locate, and the latter is a list of airline (and other) phone numbers and the quickest way to bypass their voice mail systems. Great job, guys…and their readers (and Matt gets a free t-shirt).

Last word here. Joe Sent Me (http://www.joesentme.com/) is a helpful, real site for business travelers. Check it out.

More soon.

Remember, it’s your money, you are the passenger, and you are entitled to respectable customer service and value for your business. Don’t take crap you don’t deserve. Complain until they hear us, and let Your Spite Attendants know if we can help (info@aircomplane.com).

Yes, flyers (or in many cases, airport fixtures), you will soon be able to proudly display your discontent and determination not to be just part of the herd. Rather, you will be part of “the herd getting heard.” Here’s our logo and slogan that will be featured on most items:

Aircomplane.com™

“The herd getting heard.”

When the t-shirts, caps, travel bags, and other merchandise is ready, we believe we may be holding a contest of sorts for anyone photographed wearing or holding Aircomplane.com swag at an airport or on a plane. If you prefer, we can protect your identity (and maybe superimpose the head of an airline CEO on you). More soon.

So, check back here or drop us a line atinfo@aircomplane.com if you want to be notified personally. We’re pretty excited.